Please Sleep With My Friend Turco. He Rides a Motorcycle and Doesn’t Have Herpes. [UPDATED]

The Boyfriend’s roomie Turco has been a little dry in love department lately, but I assure you, it is because he just hasn’t met the right kind of girl. And, apparently, if I find him such a girl, I win a pizza. Or a personal check for $30. And since we all know I’m poor and hungry, please forgive me for compromising this blog’s integrity in the name of nourishment and cash.

So here goes it.*

[Turco can get very philosophical, especially when it comes to food and death.]

Turco can offer you a chance at internet stardom in his closet. Your fans will include his old drum set, the bodies of deceased girlfriends, and a cat called "Baby Grey".

[Only you, and this sexy feline, can repair the damage done to Turco's heart by neglect.]

It’s true, Turco does have a few flaws. One of these is that he is really much too buff and certainly not fat. Another is that he is simply too good of a drummer to be fully appreciated by the inferior ears of members of the human race.

Turco promises to shower his future gal pal with large sums of money in the form of bad checks.

He enjoys long motorcycle crashes into parked vehicles. Also, he loves to eat carrots - but only if they are followed by the words “cake” and “marshmallow filling.”

Females with expert zombie hunter skills are preferred, but not required.

Inquiries can be made in the comments section.

*This post was co-written by Turco via Facebook chat.

[UPDATE] Turco would like all his potential lady friends to know that he lives in an exclusive area called Rolling Hills Estates. He will escort you to his beautiful four bedroom home, and show you the rustic scenery and his (occasionally) heated pool.

Also, his fingers are extremely strong and agile from playing Left for Dead on XBox sixty hours a week. Take from that what you will.