Thursday, February 25, 2010

My Dead Photo Bombing Piranha Needs a Name*

*You know you’re now curious enough to read this whole post. I am the wizard of attention-grabbing titles.

When you’re poorer than a church mouse (I don’t understand that expression – wouldn’t a church mouse have access to an alms jar, while a typical house mouse would not? I think that being a bank vault mouse would be a damn good time – if mice were actually able to spend money. Sorry, just rambling here) you have to be pretty creative with your fun.

My latest attempt to brighten up my life involves carrying around a dead fish in my purse, and staging “photo bombing” sessions. And now you’re like, wha the fuck?! Yeah, you know what I said. A dead fish. In my handbag.

You can blame it on eBay. And the fact that I live in a town full of weirdos. But this seemed to be the best idea I’d ever had when I thought of it (and still is).

Just think, my dead piranha friend can have his own Twitter and Flickr page. A huge cult following. An online persona. I can take him all over the world, and then have a giant portfolio of travel photography ruined by an ugly dead fish (what, exactly, are the stipulations about bringing taxidermy into other nations?).

And all this fun only cost me $9 on eBay!

Pure, cheap, brilliance.

But to really put this fun new plan into motion, I need to give my new zombie fish a hot spanking title. Yeah, that’s right – he needs a name people!

Once my ugly fish gets a name, this shit will be official. And I can start my project. (Dude, are the security guys at LAX gonna flip out if I have a piranha in my carry on? Because that shit is gonna show up in the baggage x-ray machine. Yes, I am already thinking about this. It’s good to plan ahead.)

So help a poor girl out. Comment, or tweet, or Facebook me or some shit. It’s so little to ask when you know my dead fish antics will provide hours of online amusement!

But don’t think my scaly new friend will be replacing Bob the Pink Deer and his quest to save children who have witnessed murders as my mascot. Because that shit’s still on.

Many Thank Yous and Fish Love Bites,

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