Because I am a freaking whack job who lacks actual work to do at work, I decided I was going to be ultra productive today and compose a rap song at work about how much work sucks.
A few things to note:
1. 505 is my apartment number.
2. I intend to record this. (My roommate owns recording equipment and Protools)
3. I also intend to make this into a music video. And become a Youtube sensation.
4. Please excuse the letters in parentheses. It’s easier to write with a preexisting rhyme scheme.
5. This doesn’t have a title yet.
Ahem. And here it is:
[Intro]
Yeah bitches! If you be working 9 to 5 for half of minimum wage, the girls of 505 have a shout out for ya:
[Verse]
(A) I’ve been huffing glue, just wasting the day,
(A) But I can’t feel bad, ‘cause it’s such shitty pay
(BB) Why’d you give me this job? It’s making me sob!
(D) And I’m about to duck out, but there’s 4 more hours!
(A) I’ve been stalking on Facebook, and tweetin’ on Twitter,
(A) You gave me a sentence to type, and since I’m done I’ll just sit here.
(BB) What’s this, an email? Oh, Viagra on sale?!
(BB) No one’s called me in days, this job is amaze
(D) Plus my office has no windows, no ac, or heat
(A) Boss musta forgot I worked here, no assignment in weeks.
(A) No one likes my ideas; the meeting’s all empty seats
(A) I shoulda stayed home, coulda slept in my sheets.
[Chorus]
(A) Bitch, I coulda doooone this work at home, yeah, meeeee all alone
(A) Buuuut my life was totally pwned. [pause]
(B) 9 to 5 be killing me. Myyyyy computer screen’s all I see-
(B) Guess happiness is history.
[Verse]
(A) Yeah I work at a shelter, and I steal the food,
(A) I’m poorer than the clients and for cash I’ll get lewd
(BB) ‘Cause baby, strippers get more cheddar than I’ve made since November
(D) That’s why I’ve got 10 roommates, but some day I’ll be pimp!
(A) I’m thinking of the day I won’t shop at the supermercado
(A) Yeah bitch, it’ll all be good when I win that super lotto
(BB) My desk job’s a joke, for retirement I’m stoked
(BB) Why’d I pay for that degree, if it’s not paying me?
(D) Too bad I’m 22 and this lame job is whack!
(A) My savings are nonexistent, I ain’t got no stocks
(A) I’m about to hit a bank, yeah and pull out my glocks
(A) They call it a bad economy, but this economy sucks cocks.
[Chorus]
(A) Bitch, I coulda doooone this work at home, yeah, meeeee all alone
(A) Buuuut my life was totally pwned. [pause]
(B) 9 to 5 be killing me. Myyyyy computer screen’s all I see-
(B) Guess happiness is history.
[Chorus]
(A) Bitch, I coulda doooone this work at home, yeah, meeeee all alone
(A) Buuuut my life was totally pwned. [pause]
(B) 9 to 5 be killing me. Myyyyy computer screen’s all I see-
(B) Guess happiness is history.
[Breakdown]
(A) I’ve got $5 in my account
(A) But soon I’ll work it out
(A) Don’t you have a doubt
(A) It’ll be 5 million, that amount
(BB) They call me a desk jockey, they all try to cock block me
(D) But I’m gonna be the shit.
(A) Yeah, when I’m CEO
(A) I’mma have lotsa dough
(BB) But now the haters give me busy work, and that’s ‘cause they’s a jerk
(B) But someday I’ll have all the perks
(BB) And they’ll all be still here, yeah while I’m woman of the year
(B) Let me hear ya cheer!
[Chorus]
(A) Bitch, I coulda doooone this work at home, yeah, meeeee all alone
(A) Buuuut my life was totally pwned. [pause]
(B) 9 to 5 be killing me. Myyyyy computer screen’s all I see-
(B) Guess happiness is history.
[Outro]
That’s right, quit that shitty job. Go get you a suga daddy! OUT!
And, that, my friends, is the first rap song I’ve written since I co-wrote and produced “Frosty the Ho Man” back in high school.
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